I wrote my first blog post at the beginning of the year when I had only known for a couple of weeks that I was pregnant. I was still sorting through all the emotions because even though getting pregnant was a decision we went into willingly, I was completely terrified. How could I be a good mom if I like dogs more than I like kids? Or if newborns "creep me out"? Like I said in that very first post, I never thought I would have children. Ever.
It's a good thing pregnancy lasts as long as it does because I think it takes many people that entire time to become mentally ready for something so life-altering. I know I needed it. Even up to the last minute of pregnancy I would think, "How am I going to do this?" I'm one of those people who are set in my ways and not very good with change. I cried for a week when Evan got me a puppy (which we had been planning to do anyway!) because he was hard work and demanded so much. I didn't think I could do it. And now I can't imagine my life without our little Sonny.
When I went into labor - early and unexpectedly - this past Thursday I kept thinking over and over, "This better be worth it". I seemed like the only person who thought that it might not be.
Now, I look at my sweet baby girl and think, I would do it 10 more times for her. I get so emotional every time I look at her - maybe it's that whole postpartum thing - but I just can't believe I could love something so much so quickly. If you're a mom you know what I'm talking about, if you're not you're thinking "that's so cliche, everyone says that", and if you're my husband reading this you're thinking "I told you so".
I honestly don't ever want to be away from her. We take like 200 pictures of her a day, and when other people hold her for too long I get a little jealous! I feel like she's already changing too much and I'm afraid that if I blink I'm going to miss something. Her "newborn-ness" is starting to go away. The redness in her skin pigment. The funny little pimples. She's going to be such a beautiful girl. I'm so glad she's ours and that we get to see her every day.