Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Expecting the Unexpected

For as long as I can remember I have been one of those people who vowed to never have children.  I never ever saw myself as a mother.  No way, not me.  I had better things to do.  I would write books.  I might teach literature.  I would learn many languages and travel to developing countries to volunteer my services.  I would adopt needy children from around the world and change their lives.  I would change the world.  Why would I unnecessarily overpopulate the world with my offspring?  Sigh….  A few years and no books later, I realize I haven’t made even the slightest dent in the world the way I’ve wanted to.   I have a degree in English but I do not teach it.  Other than a few trips to the Philippines and a cruise to the Mediterranean (and obviously not for noble volunteer work) I haven’t left the comfort and safety of the good ol’ U.S. of A.  And after 6 years of studying, my French has gotten me little more than a good crepe in Monaco and a few sideways glances in Paris.  At least they weren’t rude; they were either grateful that I was trying, or they simply felt sorry for me.  I have finally realized that the lack of impact I have had on this crazy world has absolutely nothing to do with my decision to have or not have babies.  After all Marie Curie had 2 kids and look what she accomplished!  There has been nothing standing in my way of “being the change I want to see in the world” as they say.  What stands in my way is my own lack of commitment, self-motivation and dare I say selfishness? 
So, a few weeks ago I chose to get off my lazy butt and do something.  I started to read up on volunteer organizations in my city that I want to be part of; I signed up to go back to school to get a degree in biology so that I could see where my passion for animals and the environment would take me.  I also decided that I could do all those things and still perhaps one day try to have a baby.  The point is I have learned that having children should not mean the end of your quest to better yourself or leave the world more wonderful than you found it; instead, motherhood (or fatherhood) should encourage it. 
Well, nature has a funny way of doing things because not even 3 months after this unexpected revelation, my husband and I have learned that we’re expecting.  That's right, my friends.  Six weeks along, and super excited.  I – the person who could never be a mother – is already thinking about what this little person is going to be like and what he or she will think/do about this world.  Any parent (or future parent) wants the world for their children, but I want something even greater:  I want him/her to have the satisfaction that they have also done something for the world.  The only way to do that is to be that inspiration myself and there is no better time to start than now… Or maybe once this morning sickness goes away.
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